“WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!” “I bought a house and moved us.” “WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU WARN ME?” “I told you several times we were moving.” ‘WHEN?! WHEN DID YOU EVER TELL ME THAT WE WERE MOVING?!” “Well, there was the night before the move-” ‘I DON’T REMEMBER THAT!” “-and the night...
“MEOW!” *wakes up with a cat in his face* “Oh GOOD! You’re awake. Look, I’ve been thinking…” *groan* “What time is it?” “Time? What’s that?” “As in the digits on a clock?” *looks-groans again* “It’s 3 am!” “Whatever – listen, want to play? *purrrrrr* “I hate you.” “Is that a yes? That didn’t sound...
“Okay – tell me something…” *stretched out on the bed* “What’s that?” “How is it that you have maybe 1% of the total mass of this bed-” “Yeah?” “-and yet, when you’re stretched out on it there’s no room for me.” “I don’t understand the question.”
“omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg!” “What?” *runs to the backporch window sill* “omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!” “WHAT?!” “BIRDS!” *laughs* “Yeah – they come out when it’s nice outside.” *pacing back and forth* “gottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetem!” “What would you do if you caught one?” *pauses* “SHUT UP AND QUIT CONFUSING ME! gottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetemgottagetem!”
“Dude! What’s wrong?” “I hurt my back.” “Seriously? How’d you do that?” “I’m not sure. I think I twisted when I shouldn’t have. Now it hurts to breathe.” “Whoa! Dude! That’s not good! We need to breathe!” “I know. Sometimes, I can get in the right position and feel no pain at all, but...
“Who’s a kitty cat?” “Go away.” *Walks over to the window sill* “‘oos a kitty!” “I’m warning you – go away!” *scratches ears* “‘ooos a widdle kitty cat!” “Stop it!” *scratches ears, back, tugs on tail* “He’s a widdle kitty cat!” “No I’m not! Leave me alone!” *scoops him up* “Yes he is! he’s...
“Your claws are getting long. You should let me trim them.” “Talons.” “What?” “Talons, not ‘claws’ and no you can’t trim them. I need them for stuff.” “Like what?” “Putting holes in your blanket. Killing the evil backside of the comfy chair. Sleepy time fun.” “Sleepy time fun?” “Yeah – remember that time I...
*lying on his back, legs in the air, head back, purring* “You sure are enjoying this.” *continues to rub tummy, rub back, scratch ears* *PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* “hee-hee. This is putting you in a good mood.” *Turns, suddenly, bites down on the hand making him purr, then starts kicking exposed flesh of the forearm with claws*...
“What are you looking at?” *staring at the ceiling* “What?” *looks* “What are you looking at?” *staring up* “What?” “You’re looking at something – what is it?” *staring* “What?” *gets up, walks over, stares up at the ceiling* “What do you see?” “What? Oh. Nothing.” *walks away* “OH COME ON TELL ME WHAT IT...
*home from work, opens door* “Food. Now.” “I haven’t even walked-” “Food. Now.” “Can I at least-” “WHAT PART OF ‘FOOD NOW’ ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING?!?!?!”
About Patrick:
Patrick Hester is an author, blogger and Hugo Nominated Podcast Producer/Host who lives in Colorado and writes science fiction and fantasy (mostly)...[click to read more]
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