All Things From My Brain » The Cat http://www.atfmb.com Patrick Hester's Blog Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:30:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 All Things From My Brain is the podcast from aspiring author Patrick Hester. Proud to be described as a functional nerd, Patrick's blog and this podcast reflect his take on just about anything that comes into his brain from day to day. From comics to movies to television and video games, comics, books, technology and pop culture - you name it, he talks about it. He brings his own quirky / dark sense of humor and point of view to every topic he decides to cover. Check back weekly for new episodes and don't be afraid to tell your friends all about us! Patrick Hester no Patrick Hester patrick@thenewuniverse.com patrick@thenewuniverse.com (Patrick Hester) Patrick Hester All Rightss Reserved by Patrick Hester mac, pc, scifi, geek, tv, comic books, satire, nerd, fantasy, review, author, technology All Things From My Brain » The Cat http://www.atfmb.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://www.atfmb.com/category/the-cat/ Conversations with my Cat http://www.atfmb.com/2012/02/01/conversations-with-my-cat-58/ http://www.atfmb.com/2012/02/01/conversations-with-my-cat-58/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:30:47 +0000 Patrick Hester http://www.atfmb.com/?p=4839 Share

Me: *goes to bed*

Shadow the Cat: *hops up onto the bed, walks to the far corner, meows. Walks up the side of the bed to the other corner, digs around a little, meows, sits down.*

Me: *rolls over*

Shadow: *Walks to the foot of the bed, meows, hops over my feet, stares at the bathroom door. Walks up my legs to my hip, sits down.*

Me: Seriously?

Shadow: *Reaches one paw out, touches the blanket, tests it. Steps down, does a circle, pauses, stares at me, walks to the head of the bed and looks between the mattress and the headboard, meows.  Returns to the spot he tested, does a circle, pauses, does another circle, pauses, looks at the wall, another circle, curls up into a tight ball*

Me: Every freaking night?  Really?

Shadow: I’m patrolling! I keep you safe from blanket monsters!

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*jingle-jingle*

Shadow the Cat: Um. What the fuck is this?

Me: That would be a bell on your collar.

Right. But, WHY is there a bell on my collar?

Grandma thought it was cute.

Grandma. *jingle* Again. *jingle* I’m telling you, *jingle* she *jingle* has *jingle* to *jingle* OH MY GOD GET THIS OFF OF ME!!!

Heh.  Nope.

I can’t get anything done! *jingle*  I can’t even sneak up on Dakota any more! *jingle*

Yeah, I know. It’s funny.

I hate you. *jingle-jingle*

Uh-huh.  Merry Christmas.

*jingle*

~P

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Shadow the Cat: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!

Me: What?  What is it?

IT WENT AWAY BUT NOW IT’S BACK!

What’s back?

I REMEMBER IT BUT IT WASN’T SO SHINY AS IT IS NOW!

I am so lost here.

SHINY SPARKLIE PRETTY I WANT TO EAT IT AND CLIMB IT AND MAYBE DO BAD THINGS TO IT TOO!

Eww.

WHERE DOES IT GO WHEN IT DISAPPEARS?! I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS IT COMES BACK!

I-oh.  The Christmas tree?

Do you think it feels the same way about me?  Has it said anything?  DID IT MISS ME?  I’M GONNA GO CLIMB IT RIGHT NOW!  You should come!  We’ll climb it together!

. . .I have got to cut back on his catnip.

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“…my name…is…UNICRON!”

Dakota the Cat

Okay, his name is NOT Unicron.  It’s Dakota.  I tend to call him ‘Bud’.

It took me several tries to get this shot, because I really wanted the red-eye effect.  What I got was an orangey-eye effect and a cat that was ready for me to stop shoving the camera in his face.

~P

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Shadow the Cat: I can’t get into the closet.

Me: I know.

How do you know?

Cuz I fixed it so you can’t get into the closet anymore.

What?! WHY?!  What did I eevr do to you?

You got into the closet and climbed my suit to get up on the shelf.

One time!

Then you pulled a bunch of my clothes down while, again, climbing up to the shelf.

I never!

Plus there’s the boom-boom-boom when I’m trying to sleep and you’re pulling the sliding doors apart.

What?!

And the meow-meow-meow when you can’t get back out on your own.

I’ll figure it out someday!

So, yes – the closet doors are now rigged so you can’t get in.

Fascist.

Grandma’s closet isn’t rigged.

I’m on it!

(Happy Birthday Mom!)

]]> http://www.atfmb.com/2011/12/07/conversations-with-my-cat-55/feed/ 2 Photo Friday: Morning Cat Face http://www.atfmb.com/2011/12/02/photo-friday-morning-cat-face/ http://www.atfmb.com/2011/12/02/photo-friday-morning-cat-face/#comments Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:30:20 +0000 Patrick Hester http://www.atfmb.com/?p=4577 Share

Cats have one major weakness: The Sunbeam.

Nothing like a morning cat face, am I right?

Shadow the Cat

I joke about how he wakes me up every morning, which he does.  But his motivation is always to get me out of the bed so he can have it to himself.  Along with the sunbeam…

~P

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Shadow the Cat: We never talk anymore.

Me: We talk all the time!

It doesn’t feel like it.  I mean, I talk, but do you listen?

To be fair, I’m usually asleep.

You’re awake now.

Yes, but I don’t want to be.  It’s 3 am.

Again?!

Every night.  Same time.

Sheesh.  It’s like you’re addicted to sleep or something.

You sleep 15 hours a day!

But never at 3 am.

. . .

~P

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Me: “So.”

Shadow the Cat: “So.”

Uh… this-

Yeah.  Yeah.

I mean, as ideas go-

Oh, I know.  I get it now.

Awkward.

In a word.

I can’t believe you-

Hey! Spur of the moment idea!  It sounded good in my head.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

I’ll be going.

I’d appreciate it.

If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think I could go if you followed me into the litter box and stared at me.

It doesn’t.

So, I’ll just go.

I think that’s best.

I, uh…

Oh, the door – right.  I’ll get that.

No thumbs.

Right.  Bye.

Bye.

~P

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Me: What?

Look – someone else is doing a ‘conversations with my cat’!

Oh, yeah – I saw that.  She’s a friend.

DUDE! WTF? This is OUR thing!

Oh, calm down.  It’s awesome.

You are such a loser.

Right-right hey! Wait a second.  When did YOU start using the computer?  And the Internet?!

Oh.. uh… right.  Um… *waves paw* These are not the droids you’re looking for…

Announcing Conversations with my Cat: DC (http://cwmcdc.wordpress.com/) a blog which will feature funny scripts, cat care posts, and more (inspired by this very series here on the blog!  Grats Kaitlyn!  Hope your cats don’t plan world dominat- oh, who am I kidding – they’re ALL planning world domination…)

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Shadow the cat: Where have you been?

Work. I go to work five days a week at the same time every day.  You know this!

So you say – how do I know you aren’t off playing with some other cat, huh?

There are no other cats in my life.  Well, except Dakota of course.

. . .  Yeah, he’s shifty.  I can tell.

How?

His butt smells shifty.

I’m glad there was an ‘f’ in there.  So, you smell his butt?

Well, yeah – I mean, he’s scary and all but a butt is a butt – you gotta sniff a butt.

That is so gross.

I’m smelling yours right now.

You’re a foot away!

Dude, that really says more about you than it does about me.

. . .

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