Driving Stupid

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Highway signYou’re driving along. Let’s say, for the sake of example, you’re on Highway 1000. A GIGANTIC sign says, “Right Two Lanes-HWY 1050-5 miles.” now, you’re in the right lane. What do you do?

Most people keep going.  You have plenty of time.

Another sign, “Right Two Lanes-HWY 1050-4 Miles.”

Again, you keep going.  I mean, you still have plenty of time.

Another sign, “Right Two Lanes-HWY 1050-3 Miles.”

Okay.  You need to start paying attention.  In 3 miles, you’re going to exit the highway, right?

Another sign, “Right Two Lanes-HWY 1050-2 Miles.”

2 miles people.  -2- miles!  You’re still in the right lane, I am behind you because this is my exit.  I am assuming it’s your exit too.

Another sign, “Right Two Lanes-HWY 1050-1 Mile.”

Here we go.  Time to exit.  The lines on the road have even changed to those dashed-lines.  Everything is telling you – it’s time to exit.

Sign: “RIGHT FUCKING NOW-HWY 1050-RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

Suddenly, you swerve.  What the fuck?  What are you doing?  The car in the lane next to you is ALSO EXITING!  Now you’re trying to muscle your way over??????

ARE YOU STUPID?  CAN YOU NOT READ?  THE SIGNS HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR 5 MILES THAT YOU ARE IN A FUCKING EXIT LANE!  DID YOU SOMEHOW MISS ALL THOSE SIGNS?

HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

OH MY GOD!!

YOU ARE SLAMMING ON YOUR BREAKS!! ON THE HIGHWAY!!

I NOW WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BREED!

AIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!

AIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

~P

4 comments for “Driving Stupid

  1. March 7, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    How can you tell Colorado drivers from all the rest? They’re the fifth ones through the red light.

  2. March 9, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    HAH! That’s up there with my other favorite, the work sign that reads “Lane ends, merge now” for a mile, while the folks in that lane continue to speed along because they own the road. Never mind the rest of us that obliged and are sitting in traffic as a result, by all means, speed to the point that to go further your car will be embedded in an orange and white canister…

    • Patrick Hester
      March 11, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      ;-)

  3. March 13, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    Oh, I see you’ve met my wife.

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