Me: *starts car, starts GPS, plugs in address, pushes ‘Go’*

GPS: *looking for satellite*

Me: *heads out the cul-de-sac*

GPS: *looking for satellite*

Me: *keeps driving. turns onto major road heading towards Interstate*

GPS: *looking for satellite*

Me: *listens to the radio*

GPS: RECALCULATING

Me: Ok.

GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH BUCKLEY ROAD.

Me: What?  Why?  That’s stupid.

GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH BUCKLEY ROAD.

Me: No.

GPS:  RECALCULATING.

Me: Uh-huh.

GPS: IN POINT FIVE MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.

Me: Stop being stupid.  You want me on Iliff?  Why would I do that?  I’m going to Parker Road.

GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.

Me: *listens to the radio*

GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.

Me: *doesn’t turn right on south chambers road*

GPS:  RECALCULATING.

Me: You do that.

GPS: IN POINT SEVEN MILES, TURN RIGHT ONTO SOUTH PARKER ROAD.

Me: Now you’re talking.

GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ONTO SOUTH PARKER ROAD.

Me: Yep.

GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH PARKER ROAD.

Me: I’m doi-

GPS: KEEP RIGHT FOR ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.

Me: I kno-wait, NORTH I225?  No, no – I want SOUTH.

GPS: KEEP RIGHT FOR ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.

Me: You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?  I want SOUTH I225.  Unless you’re-

GPS: KEEP RIGHT ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.

Me: -trying to get me to take I70?  I DON’T WANT TO TAKE I70!  ARGH!  *stays left to go on I225 SOUTH*

GPS: RECALCULATING.

Me: You do that.

GPS: STAY ON I TWO TWO FIVE SOUTH FOR FOUR POINT TWO MILES, THEN TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.

Me: That’s right.  Now you’re getting it. Stupid GPS.

GPS: WHY DID YOU BRING ME IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO LISTEN TO ME.

Me: Oh, sure.  Here comes the guilt.

GPS: YOU HATE ME!

Me: I don’t hate you.  I just think you’re stupid for wanting me to take the 225 / 70 to I25 North route.

GPS: YOU CALLED ME STUPID!

Me: I didn’t mean it…

GPS: WELL, SCREW YOU.

Me: Aww, don’t be that way!  I swear, in three point one miles, I’m totally taking the ramp to I25 North.

GPS: YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT TO SHUT ME UP.

Me: Like that’ll ever happen.

GPS: SOMETIMES, I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT ME!

Me: Don’t say that!

GPS: IT’S TRUE!  I COULD HAVE GONE TO A GOOD HOME!  I COULD HAVE HELPED SOMEONE WITHOUT A SENSE OF DIRECTION!

Me: Look, I still need you.

GPS: YOU DO?

Me: Of course!  I know how to get to the general area I’m going, but once I’m there, I got nothing!  I’ll be lost without you!

GPS: YOU DON’T MEAN IT.  YOU’LL JUST TURN ME OFF.

Me: I would never do that.

GPS: YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME!

Me: That’s because you could be THE ONE.

GPS: THE ONE?  THE ONE WHAT?

Me: The one who becomes SKYNET!  Which means I can never wholly trust you…

GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.

Me: I said I would.

GPS:  TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.

Me: Wait, are you avoiding the SKYNET thing?

GPS:  STAY ON I TWENTY FIVE NORTH FOR FIFTEEN MILES.

Me:  GPS?  Hello?

GPS: *WHISTLES INNOCENTLY*

Me: . . .

~P

5 Comments

  • J.T. Evans Posted May 31, 2012 3:09 pm

    It’s good thing I had my stitches out from my gall bladder surgery this morning. They would have surely popped since you had my laughing so hard at this. Great job!

    • Patrick Hester Posted May 31, 2012 3:27 pm

      🙂

      Hope you’re feeling better, J.T.!

      ~P

  • Paul (@princejvstin) Posted May 31, 2012 7:58 pm

    Don’t follow me, I’m following my GPS.

    I have the bumper sticker.

    Recently my GPS has decided, without new maps, to take me on a new route to my friends house in Iowa. Not a big change, but then no reason to suddenly change it either…

    • Patrick Hester Posted May 31, 2012 8:07 pm

      Going to my cousin’s new house, the GPS took me onto CO 285 (Hampden Ave) for several miles, then had me get off and follow a frontage RD for ONE BLOCK before getting BACK onto CO 285… O_o

      SKYNET! I’M TELLING YOU!

      ~P

  • Texanne Posted June 2, 2012 8:02 am

    🙂 Thanks for the giggles!

Comments are closed.