Me: *starts car, starts GPS, plugs in address, pushes ‘Go’*
GPS: *looking for satellite*
Me: *heads out the cul-de-sac*
GPS: *looking for satellite*
Me: *keeps driving. turns onto major road heading towards Interstate*
GPS: *looking for satellite*
Me: *listens to the radio*
GPS: RECALCULATING
Me: Ok.
GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH BUCKLEY ROAD.
Me: What? Why? That’s stupid.
GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH BUCKLEY ROAD.
Me: No.
GPS: RECALCULATING.
Me: Uh-huh.
GPS: IN POINT FIVE MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.
Me: Stop being stupid. You want me on Iliff? Why would I do that? I’m going to Parker Road.
GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.
Me: *listens to the radio*
GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH CHAMBERS ROAD.
Me: *doesn’t turn right on south chambers road*
GPS: RECALCULATING.
Me: You do that.
GPS: IN POINT SEVEN MILES, TURN RIGHT ONTO SOUTH PARKER ROAD.
Me: Now you’re talking.
GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TURN RIGHT ONTO SOUTH PARKER ROAD.
Me: Yep.
GPS: TURN RIGHT ON SOUTH PARKER ROAD.
Me: I’m doi-
GPS: KEEP RIGHT FOR ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.
Me: I kno-wait, NORTH I225? No, no – I want SOUTH.
GPS: KEEP RIGHT FOR ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.
Me: You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? I want SOUTH I225. Unless you’re-
GPS: KEEP RIGHT ON RAMP TO NORTH I TWO TWO FIVE.
Me: -trying to get me to take I70? I DON’T WANT TO TAKE I70! ARGH! *stays left to go on I225 SOUTH*
GPS: RECALCULATING.
Me: You do that.
GPS: STAY ON I TWO TWO FIVE SOUTH FOR FOUR POINT TWO MILES, THEN TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.
Me: That’s right. Now you’re getting it. Stupid GPS.
GPS: WHY DID YOU BRING ME IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO LISTEN TO ME.
Me: Oh, sure. Here comes the guilt.
GPS: YOU HATE ME!
Me: I don’t hate you. I just think you’re stupid for wanting me to take the 225 / 70 to I25 North route.
GPS: YOU CALLED ME STUPID!
Me: I didn’t mean it…
GPS: WELL, SCREW YOU.
Me: Aww, don’t be that way! I swear, in three point one miles, I’m totally taking the ramp to I25 North.
GPS: YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT TO SHUT ME UP.
Me: Like that’ll ever happen.
GPS: SOMETIMES, I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT ME!
Me: Don’t say that!
GPS: IT’S TRUE! I COULD HAVE GONE TO A GOOD HOME! I COULD HAVE HELPED SOMEONE WITHOUT A SENSE OF DIRECTION!
Me: Look, I still need you.
GPS: YOU DO?
Me: Of course! I know how to get to the general area I’m going, but once I’m there, I got nothing! I’ll be lost without you!
GPS: YOU DON’T MEAN IT. YOU’LL JUST TURN ME OFF.
Me: I would never do that.
GPS: YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME!
Me: That’s because you could be THE ONE.
GPS: THE ONE? THE ONE WHAT?
Me: The one who becomes SKYNET! Which means I can never wholly trust you…
GPS: IN POINT TWO MILES, TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.
Me: I said I would.
GPS: TAKE RAMP TO I TWENTY FIVE NORTH.
Me: Wait, are you avoiding the SKYNET thing?
GPS: STAY ON I TWENTY FIVE NORTH FOR FIFTEEN MILES.
Me: GPS? Hello?
GPS: *WHISTLES INNOCENTLY*
Me: . . .
~P
5 Comments
It’s good thing I had my stitches out from my gall bladder surgery this morning. They would have surely popped since you had my laughing so hard at this. Great job!
🙂
Hope you’re feeling better, J.T.!
~P
Don’t follow me, I’m following my GPS.
I have the bumper sticker.
Recently my GPS has decided, without new maps, to take me on a new route to my friends house in Iowa. Not a big change, but then no reason to suddenly change it either…
Going to my cousin’s new house, the GPS took me onto CO 285 (Hampden Ave) for several miles, then had me get off and follow a frontage RD for ONE BLOCK before getting BACK onto CO 285… O_o
SKYNET! I’M TELLING YOU!
~P
🙂 Thanks for the giggles!
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