Conversations with my cat

a short time ago in a house not so far away from here…

“Well. It’s about fucking time. Where have you been?”

“I have been to the Stupid Friends Guild – remember them? They used to take care of you-”

“Whatever. Don’t let it happen again. I want my dinner on the table promptly at-wait, what the fuck is that?”

“This, is a cat carrier.”

“Cat carrier?” *eyes narrow*

“That’s right.  A cat carrier.  And right now, it is carrying your new best friend!  Shadow, I’d like you to meet: Dakota!” *sets cat carrier down, opens door – a cat easily twice the size of Shadow waddles out, hair cut to look like a lions mane and paws*

Dakota: “Hello!  So. This is my new kingdom, eh?  No sun-rock to lounge on?  Ah well, I’ll make do I suppose.”

Shadow: *eyes wide, jaw on the floor*

Dakota: “And who might you be?”

Shadow: *screams* *runs to the stairs, turns around*

“Um….”

Shadow: *screams – races up to the landing, looks through the rails*

Dakota: *laughs* “Skittish little thing, aren’t you?”

Shadow: *screams – runs and hides*

“Oh boy. This isn’t going exactly the way I’d planned…”