Conversations with my cat

“Hey.  hey, you.  Wake up.”  *paw in the face*

“Mrrmmble…” *snore*

“Hey.  Wake up.  Come on.” *paw in the face*

“Whu?*” *bleary eyed stare at clock*  “It’s 5 am.”

“I’m out of food.  I need you to feed me.”

“You are not out of food.  Go to sleep.”

*paw* “I am totally out of food.”

“You’re not going to let me sleep unless I do this, are you?”

“Food.  Now.”

“FINE!” *gets up, walks into the kitchen – there’s food in the dish, but there’s a small patch where you can see the bottom of the dish*

*PURRRRRRRRRRR*

*grumbles-reaches up and grabs the bag.* “Er…” *empty*  “Here you go…”  *Pretends to mix up food in the bowl*

“What the hell is this?”

“Uh…”

“I saw what you did – what sort of BS is this?”

“Look – we’re out.  What’s in the dish is all that there is.  I’ll go get you some more after work.”

“You better.  And get it right this time.”

*goes back to bed*

-much, much later at the pet store-

“Okay…  Adult… indoor cat…  Shit.”

“Can I help you sir?”

“Yeah – they changed the packaging.  I need to get my cat some food and they changed the packaging.  Why did they change the packaging?!”

“Well, I can help-”

“You don’t understand – I need to get the right food!  IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT FOOD!”

“Sir, I can-”

“IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT FOOD – HE WON’T LET ME SLEEP IF IT’S NOT THE RIGHT FOOD!  WHY DID THEY CHANGE THE PACKAGING?!?!  OH GOD, I THINK I’M HYPERVENTILATING!!!  I CA-  I CA-” *squeaks* “BREATHE!”

*intercom* “Cat owner in the fetal position, aisle 9.  Cat owner in the fetal position, aisle 9…”