10 things that suck about crutches

This week, in honor of the fact that I have been on crutches since Saturday (due to a severe sprain of my left ankle), I thought I’d do something different from a Caption Fun Comic. So, I present to you:

10 things that suck about crutches!

1. Stairs might as well be mountains!
2. Can’t sneak up on -anybody-.
3. Everyone asks, “Whoa! Are you on crutches?” (Here’s your sign…)
4. Everyone also asks, “What happened?” and I’m running out of clever and fantastic stories to tell… (anything is better than, “Uh… I fell down the stairs…”) “Well, there I was when this orphanage full of children and puppies caught on fire…”
5. Taking a shower becomes a one legged hopping adventure (cuz you can’t get your crutches wet. DUH!).
6. Can’t carry -anything-! (so I’m using my backpack a lot…) (Try carrying a glass of water while using crutches.  Go on. I DARE YOU!)
7. Cat thinks you’re The Terminator or something.  (“What the F-?! I’M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” *zoom!*)
8. Everyone tells you THEIR crutches story… (“Oh, yeah – I was on crutches. Course, I was hurt waaaaaaaay worse than you…”)
9. You become aware of other parts of your body – like when you lose one sense and the others compensate?  For example: Your good leg hurts, your hands hurt, your shoulders hurt, your arm pits hurt… and you’re totally aware of it…
10. “Advance your crutches forward, then ‘swing’ your good foot forward but NOT PAST WHERE YOUR CRUTCH TIPS LANDED!”  …yeah, right. *SWING-PLOP!-SWING-PLOP!-SWING-PLOP!-SWING-PLOP!*  It’s like being a kid again and trying to get the swing going so high you flip over the bar…

~P