“I’m home!”

*stares out the window*

“Hey there! Who want’s their ears scratched?”

*stares out the window*

“Hello? Hey? Are you excited just a little bit to see me?”

*stares out the window*

“I should’ve gotten a dog. They’re happy to see you when you come home.”

*three hours later* “Oh. Hey. When did you get home? Did you get my dinner? And these ears? They’re not going to scratch themselves.”

“. . .”