Dear God, No.

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Look, can I just say something?  Between you and me? *skootches closer, leans in* Not every toy nor every novel nor every comic book needs to become a movie.

I’m a fan.  Seriously.  I love comic books.  Love SciFi and Fantasy novels.  Even loved toys (and probably still do only my toys are more expensive than they used to be).  But, seriously – just because you can make a movie, doesn’t mean that you have to make a movie, okay Hollywood?

In what can only be described as a desperate cry for attention, Warner Brothers and Silver Pictures are trying to, again, bring He-Man and the Masters of the Universe to the big screen.

No, okay?  Just – no.  Did Dolph Lundgren teach you people NOTHING?!

The problem with having people my age in positions of power in Hollywood (as writers, directors, producers, influencers – none of which I am, by the way – well, I’m a writer, but not for Hollywood) is that they want to take their beloved childhood memories and revive them in new and different ways – like movies.  Sometimes, and I’ll throw Transformers out there as an example, it works.  Other times, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li comes to mind, it just doesn’t work.

I get it – there’s a lot of stuff out there in print that is just begging to be translated onto the big screen, but you have to use some judgment here people!  Don’t go for the easy piece or the one that’s priced the cheapest – there’s a reason the rights are up for grabs!  Spend a little money, take a little time, find the true gems and bring those to the movie theaters or the tv screens.  Believe me, it will pay off in the long run.  Also, keep Keanu Reeves, Dolph Lundgren, Sylvester Stallone, Eric Roberts, Ben Affleck and David Hasseholf away from these projects.  Far, far away.  And no Queen either.  Or that guy who did the song with Santanna – whatever his band’s name is – keep them away too.  And anyone who’s been in movies with these guys.  Or knows them.  Or hangs out with them.  Like, second cousins twice removed.  Seriously.

I honestly believe that every horrible adaptation ever made has scared most writers/creators to death.  Who wants to see their beloved work turned into Dolph Lundgren running around the back alleys of L.A. swinging a sword and wearing a loin cloth?!  No one, that’s who.

So maybe you have to dig a little bit, finesse, acquiesce to NOT changing stuff to ‘make it more accessible’ to the movie going masses – again, it’ll be worth it.  If you have money to throw away on movies like this one, then what the hell is the problem with doing something better?

Think about it.

~P