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Happy Monday.
I wanted to share something different with you today. It’s not Flash Fiction due to it’s length, but nor it is really a short story. It’s something in-between.
It’s a bit of future-history from The New Universe (my own little sandbox of creative endeavors – everything I write exists in this little Universe I’ve created). I hope you like it.
Tales from The New Universe: Gunny Homn
© 2009, Patrick Hester. All Rights Reserved
Descent
The Slider shook violently as it sliced through the atmosphere. The exterior glowed white hot, the heat shield pushing away the worst of it to form a long tail in its wake. Inside, she felt none of it; her body snug in the viscous gel that kept her blood oxygenated, her body safe from the G-forces the Slider was experiencing and from the heat and friction chipping away at the surface of the craft.
Just large enough for one person, the Sliders sole purpose was to deliver someone to the surface of a planet with minimal time, effort and cost.
Someone like Gunny Homn.
Continue reading Tales from The New Universe: Gunny Homn
“C’mere, I wanna show you something…”
“What? No. Leave me alone. Loser. Put me down!”
“I think you’ll like this…”
“Hey – get your hands off me! I said no! No means no! RAPE!”
“Calm down… You’re really going to like this…” *picks up the dish scrubber and dislodges a moth from the wall who flies erratically around the kitchen light*
*jaw drops* “HOLY SHIT THAT IS THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN I WANT TO PLAY WITH IT GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!” *scrambles out of hold and jumps onto kitchen counter, proceeds to chase moth around, knocking over glasses, paper plates, spice jars, crashes into bread box…*
“….uh, shit. I think I see the flaw in my plan.”
On the list of things that can distract one from writing the next great American novel comes Cartoon Wars: Gunner.
A HUGE fan of the original Cartoon Wars game (I wrote something up on that game last year), I was really psyched when I saw that they’d come up with a new game. With the original, you had two towers on opposite sides of a battlefield. bad guys streamed out of the enemy tower – all stick figures with cool weapons & big heads, and you had to fight them off. Between battles you could upgrade to different kinds of soldiers.
With Gunner, they’ve amped up the fun and the upgrades.
You start out as a simple bowman:
As you fight, you gain gold which you can use to upgrade your bowman’s speed, power, range and skill (which I’ve done in the screenshot above). You also have a host of other attributes that you can also upgrade in between battles – if you have the gold.
Just as you upgrade, so do your enemies, going from simple spearman to bowman, gunman and monsters of all sorts – jumping spiders, leaping tigers, fire spitting dragons – even guys in battle armor. To fight them, you need to upgrade out of the bow and arrow phase and into something a little more powerful. Lucikly, you have tons of choices.
The very next thing (in affordable gold) that you can buy is the semi-automatic rifle. Slow and steady, this thing blows away most of the bad guys and, just like the bow, has it’s own upgrades to increase it’s power.
While playing the game, I also got the next step up in weapons – the twin automatic pistols. Then I decided that I needed to jump to the end of the book, so to speak. So I stopped upgrading everything and I started hoarding gold until I could afford this: (80k gold)
Yep. It’s a BattleSuit. A mech, even.
And it’s friggin suhweet!
“Oh.. that’s right. I’m just a harmless looking guy standing over here minding my own business… that’s it… come closer… closer…”
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Your main weapons are, of course, your guns, but you also have some other stuff to play with.
Each weapon has it’s own ‘mega weapon’. The Twin Pistols, for example, has lightning that ZAPS the bad guys. The Bow has flaming meteors that fall from the sky and the BattleSuit drops bombs.
Some added stuff – your weapons (except for the bow), heat up. If you look at the image above, you’ve got three icons in the upper left – each is a different weapon (you can have 3 equipped at any one time). You can switch between them by tapping the icon or pressing the button with the arrows circling it. If the weapon you’re on overheats, you automatically switch to the next one.
The red button on the left controls your gunner, who can run left, right, up and down – the battlefield is wider than your screen, so you can run back and forth across it. The blue button is your ‘fire’ button and you can shoot left or right as needed and, with certain weapons, you can fire while running. This is handy as you can run right to escape, and still be firing left or behind you.
Standing still you are the most accurate and your automatic weapons will fire faster.
Overall, this is a great game to play. You can jump in, fight a couple battles, save the game and come back later. Perfect for break time 
Cartoon Wars: Gunner is for the iPhone and iPod Touch. You can get it at the App Store for just $0.99, which is an awesome price (Clicking this link will launch iTunes and take you right to the games page).
~P
“Hey! What’s that? Is that mine? Can I have that? What is it?”
“Um… yeah, it’s yours. I guess.”
“Ooooo! What is it? Can I eat it?”
“Um… no, no you can’t eat it.. it’s.. well..”
“What?! WHAT?! LET ME SEE! …hey, that looks…”
“Yeah…”
“A NEW SLAVE COLLAR! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT A NEW SLAVE COLLAR! I HATE THE OLD SLAVE COLLAR!”
“Yeah, see, my mom, grandma? She bought this one… I… I had nothing to do with this…”
“I REFUSE TO-”
*opens it up*
“. . . Is that?”
“Pink? Yes.”
“She must die. I’ll take care of it. We never had this conversation. You know nothing.”
“. . .”
*staring in the corner*
“What’cha lookin at?”
“shhhh.” *staring*
“What is it?”
“shhhh.” *staring*
*moves closer* “What do you see?”
*sits up* “Great! Just great! It got away!” *stalks away*
*staring in the corner* “…what got away? WHAT THE HELL GOT AWAY?!?!?!?!”
This week’s Caption Fun Friday is a little different. I came across something that just made me snort and I wanted to share it with all 140 of you who read this thing with any sort of regularity.
I had to work on a PowerPoint presentation this week for our sales manager. One of the things that was bothering me while working with PowerPoint was that I couldn’t figure out how to make the text wrap around an image. It was really getting frustrating. Normally these things are pretty self explanatory – some sort of button or right click (even WordPress has a text wrap function when you upload an image), but not so with PowerPoint, so I had to resort to using their Help button and doing a search for ‘wrap text’. What I found, is what made me snort/amused me to no end.
1) There is no such function in PowerPoint.
2) They have detailed instructions on how to ‘work around this’:
As I said, this just amused me so much. If you want to wrap your text, create multiple text boxes and SURROUND the image…
You can’t make this stuff up…
~P
“I’m home!”
*stares out the window*
“Hey there! Who want’s their ears scratched?”
*stares out the window*
“Hello? Hey? Are you excited just a little bit to see me?”
*stares out the window*
“I should’ve gotten a dog. They’re happy to see you when you come home.”
*three hours later* “Oh. Hey. When did you get home? Did you get my dinner? And these ears? They’re not going to scratch themselves.”
“. . .”
I’ve been feeling a little stale lately when it comes to reading. I’ve bought several books, started them and then moved on without finishing em.
This happens from time to time.
With that in mind, I made a trip to ye olde book seller and picked up a few things to whet the literary appetite. I haven’t decided yet in which order I’ll be reading these, so here we go:
 City of Jade by Dennis L. McKiernan (worst website ever).
One of my favorite authors, I was happily surprised to find this book sitting on the shelf. I can’t remember if I knew it was out but had never bought it or if it had simply slipped under my radar – either way – it was fantastic to find it and I’m excited to return to Mithgar for another tale of Aravan, captain of the Elven ship Eroean.
Here’s the lowdown on the book:
A prophecy and a dream about a lost city made of jade draw Aravan, the captain of the Elvenship Eroean, and his life mate, the Magekind Seer Aylis, along with a crew of trusted friends, into a perilous journey in search of the mystical place.
Behind the scenes, the Necromancer Nunde, follower of a slain god and a sworn enemy of Aravan, plots the death of the elven captain and all those he holds dear.
Set in time between the end of Silver Wolf, Black Falcon, and the beginning of Red Slippers: More Tales of Mithgar, the latest addition to the series brings back familiar characters and further develops an old enmity. McKiernan’s talent for charming characters and exciting adventures of derring-do make this a good addition to most fantasy collections and an essential purchase for libraries possessing the other series titles.
 Hidden Empire by Kevin J. Anderson.
I’ve been feeling that my SciFi literary muscles have been allowed to go a bit soft of late, so in an effort to exercise em, I picked up a couple of very SciFi books – this being the first of those.
I remember TheKJA from other series and I liked em, so I decided to give this a try.
Here’s the lowdown:
The Terran Hanseatic League, in a heady rush of manifest destiny, turns Oncier, a huge gas planet, into a sun so its four moons can be used for colonization. In the process, the Terrans disturb the ancient but dwindling Ildirans, their uneasy allies, whose leader, the Mage-Imperator, suspects that Terrans are far too eager to take over the spiral arm. Still worse, by inadvertently destroying Oncier’s hitherto unknown colonists, the powerful hydrogues, the conversion of Oncier sets off a catastrophic conflict that threatens the existence of all Terrans and Ildirans. The Earth Defense Forces of the Terran Hanseatic League, the Worldtrees and Green Priests of Theroc, the gypsy Roamers who mine ekti all must unite with the Ildirans to fight the alien menace.
Heck – sounds good to me.
 The Magician’s Guild by Trudi Canavan.
I can’t just give up on Fantasy and I’m always on the lookout for something new in the genre, some new take on it all. This one caught my eye so I decided to give it a try. Hey, that rhymes.
Here’s the lowdown:
Each year, the magicians of Imardin gather together to purge the city streets of vagrants and miscreants. Masters of the disciplines of magic, they know that no ordinary lowlife can oppose them. But their protective shield is not as imprenetrable as they think.
Sonea, angry, frustrated and outraged by the treatment of her family and friends, throws a stone at the shield, putting all her rage behind it. She is amazed when it sails unrestricted through the barrier and knocks a magician unconscious.
The Guild’s worst fear has been realised . there is an untrained magician loose in Imardin who must be found before her uncontrolled powers can destroy herself and the city.
 Old Man’s War by John Scalzi.
Another SciFi series to give a try.
With his wife dead and buried, and life nearly over at 75, John Perry takes the only logical course of action left him: he joins the army. Now better known as the Colonial Defense Force (CDF), Perry’s service-of-choice has extended its reach into interstellar space to pave the way for human colonization of other planets while fending off marauding aliens.
The CDF has a trick up its sleeve that makes enlistment especially enticing for seniors: the promise of restoring youth. After bonding with a group of fellow recruits who dub their clique the Old Farts, Perry finds himself in a new body crafted from his original DNA and upgraded for battle, including fast-clotting “smartblood” and a brain-implanted personal computer.
All too quickly the Old Farts are separated, and Perry fights for his life on various alien-infested battlegrounds.
Well, that’s my list. For a little while, anyway.
I’ll let you know how it goes and what I think.
~P
Well. Kinda looked like a promising year for SciFi and Fantasy shows, didn’t it? Now we’ve seen a lot of shows come and go and, if you’re like me, you might be wondering what’s left out there for us to watch?
Not a lot.
Network stuff I like first:
 Chuck
Chuck is back on Mondays. I love this show. It seems to me that they’ve amped up the comedy this year on the spyfi show. Everybody should watch this show so we get another season. It’s worth your time. Luckily, it’s been doing well in the ratings thus far, so I’ve got my fingers crossed.
FlashForward
Despite having that guy I can’t stand in the main role (Joseph Fiennes as FBI guy Mark Benford), and despite some crappy scripts towards the end before the mid-season break, FlashForward still has a lot of potential. I’m really hoping that they manage to keep it together long enough to give us a decent second half of the season and a season two of the ratings gods are kind. With Lost ending it’s run this year, ABC will be looking at what it has or might have that could fill the void. FlashForward could be a contender (if they amp up the writing).
Trouble is, we have to wait til March to see anything more from this show, which means any momentum they may have had has been utterly lost.
Lost
Lost is still around, but this is the last season for the show. I have high hopes that the series will deliver a strong ending and a satisfying one. Note that writers and producers of Lost – we want a SATISFYING ending – not that bullcrap we got from Battlestar.
Fringe
Of all the shows that have potential for greatness, Fringe is the potentialynious. Potentiameter. Um…
Fantastic characters; Olivia is driven, determined, she is going to figure it all out and stop the bad guys, Peter is the intelligent, some might even say dashing at times, anti-hero who seems to be growing into the role of ‘do gooder’ quite well. He has his reasons for doing what he’s doing and we don’t really know what they all are. Yet. And then there’s Walter, beautiful, mega-smart, absolutely insane Walter who doesn’t have a filter on his mouth and says things that make me laugh and cringe all at the same time.
This show needs to survive because it can be great. It can go down in the anals of tv history as one of the top genre shows. If the writers don’t screw it all up.
Supernatural
I’m worried about the boys. I really am. I’ve tried to explain why I like this show in the past and I don’t think I’ve ever done it right. In my mind, I feel like this show worked because they were sort of flipping us off. Yeah, it’s a buddy show – but with issues. Yeah, there’s ghosts, but they’re not your momma’s ghosts. Shit happens.
But, lately, I feel like they haven’t been quite so irreverent, so flippant – they haven’t flipped me off in a while and I miss that. The whole Angels/Demon war / apocalypse is taking too long. If you have an apocalypse, they generally don’t stretch out long enough for people to go for pie, if you know what I mean. Step it up, boys. I want an ‘oh shit’ scene like Angel stepping off the elevator in LA to learn that the apocalypse has already happened, it’s here, it’s now – fight it or bend over.
V
I don’t know why I have this on the list. It doesn’t deserve to be on the list at this point. They gave us 4 friggin episodes – 4! and then they took the damned thing off the air where it has remained. It’s being ‘retooled’ or ‘rebooted’ or whatever the hell they call it today in lala land. I reserve the right to hate it just because dumbass people are involved behind the scenes.
What I don’t like / won’t watch on the networks:
Heroes
Jumped the shark. Lost the Force. Got it’s Mojo stolen.
Smallville
I’m surprised this is still on the air simply because the actors aren’t 13 anymore, and the CW likes it’s shows with 13 year olds. I am going to watch the Justice Society episode because I want to see how badly they screw it up.
The Vampire Diaries
NO. Just… no.
Cable Stuff
 Stargate: Universe
The channel formerly known as SciFi knows how to do one thing really, really well: annoy us.
I absolutely friggin HATE the way they do their ’seasons’. I swear they shoot themselves in the foot with this ‘1.0′ ‘1.5′ ‘2.0′ ‘.5 and three quarters’ season crapola. Just when the show starts to get good, they break. They’ll bring back 5 new episodes or some such shit later on this year, then break again, then bring a couple more – it’s moranic. I hate it.
Did I mention that I hate it?
The show itself was great! I’d love to see more episodes! And maybe, just maybe, sometime in 2010, I will. After they repeat the first few twenty seven times.
Warehouse 13
See above ‘Stargate: Universe’.
Eureka
(points to the two shows above)
What I don’t like / won’t watch on cable:
Sanctuary
I’ll comment now. Oh, still see my rant above, but let me add: I really liked the 1st season of this show It was new and different, had a decent backstory/mythology and I dug it. 2nd season – not so much. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if they fired some people or got some ‘notes’ from the network or what – but whatever it is, has really hurt this show in it’s 2nd season, so much so that I haven’t watched the last few episodes because I don’t want to put myself through that misery.
Caprica.
Unless someone very eloquent can talk me into it, I am not interested in this. And I admit – part of me is afraid that I might like it a little and then the channel formerly known as SciFi will rape my up the butt by screwing it up.
Syndication
 Legend of the Seeker
What can I say? Hmmm. In order to watch this show, I have to forget that the books exist. It’s the only way. If I do that, if I consider it a stand alone piece that has nothing whatsoever to do with the novels as written by Terry Goodkind, then, and only then, can I allow myself to enjoy it.
Sad, but true.
That’s what’s left out there that I see or want to comment on. There’s some other stuff, but not on my radar at the moment.
Thoughts? What are you watching?
~P
So.
When Lost first hit the airwaves, I thought for sure it was going to be stupid. I had visions of people running around making coconut radios and concocting impossible silly schemes for rescue. Yes. I’m saying that I thought it was going to be a modern day Giligan’s Island.
Boy, I could not have been more wrong.
Unfortunately (or, fortunately, depending on your point of view (thank you very much, Obi-Wan)), I only watched the 1st season, and not any of the subsequent seasons. This was due to a lot of things.
The World of Warcraft. I was heavy into this at the time, I mean really, really heavy. Played every night after work for hours, played on weekends – you name it, I was playing.
Self-imposed television hiatus. I decided I was watching too much of the old boob tube and needed to break from it. I picked a handful of shows – like 4, to watch every week and that was it. When one of those shows was on, the tv was on, but other than that, the tv was off. Lost wasn’t on the list.
Writing again. I’d started writing again – simple enough. I was inspired by several things, so I wanted to write and I didn’t want to be distracted by tv.
Anyway, with the final season of Lost looming, I’d been thinking that now might be a good time to get caught up on the series.
As is my habit, I’ve been watching for the Lost DVD’s to come down in price for quite some time. I enjoy buying a full season of a show and watching as many or as few episodes as I want when I want. Honestly, if I could get new shows on demand I would (not 1 episode at a time – 1 SEASON at a time) because I just prefer it. Unfortunately for me, the more popular the show, the less likely that show’s DVD’s will be reasonably priced.
I consider $20-30 for a full season of a show (22-24 episodes) to be reasonable. I will wait out a show for those prices to drop, and that’s what I’ve been doing with Lost. But Lost hasn’t been coming down – at least not at the retailers (the instant gratification monster inside of me hates waiting for mail orders to come) that I frequent.
Then, along comes Netflix. I tried it as a lark, really. Moved into the new house, I don’t know yet where I am going to put my DVD collection, nor my books, for that matter, so I haven’t setup any book shelves or the curio cabinet I have for DVD’s. So when I wanted something to watch, I tried Netflix and found Lost on there. I’ve been slowly streaming episodes ever since, direct to my tv thanks to TiVo.
So, what do I think?
I think they’ve done an excellent job with the show. It’s better than I thought it would ever be, obviously. I like that the island isn’t just an island, and it keeps throwing them (and us, as viewers), curve balls.
After the 1st season, I was firmly entrenched in the belief that there were 3 factions: survivors, Others & Monsters. Since then, we’ve learned that there’s the Dharma Initiative, and this British guy, and these other people, and divisions within the Survivors, and divisions within the Others and the island itself has divisions. It’s all very complex, but not so much that you can’t follow it and enjoy it.
I was upset (as I’m sure many others were) when Kate apparently chose Sawyer. Then I was happy that Jack and Kate looked like they were going to get it together only for Jack to screw it all up (at which point I groaned). When some people got off the island, it was bittersweet. When people started flashing back and forth in time, I was just as confused as I was mesmerized.
Questions I’d like to see get answers:
Who or what is Jaycob?
Why did Claire just walk away from her son?
Who or what is Richard Alpert? How old is he?
Why was Jack’s dad’s coffin empty? Why is he walking around talking to people?
Why was Locke’s coffin occupied when he is up and around walking and talking to people? What’s the difference here?
Just a few questions I have. I’m sure there’s more I haven’t thought of. Yet.
I think the writers do a fantastic job with this show and the actors give it their all. I’m impressed and looking forward to this final season, and that’s what scares the living hell out of me.
You see, I was just as impressed and enamored with the writers, producers & actors involved with Battlestar Galactica.
…and look what that got me in the end.
~P
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